I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
