i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
