I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
