Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
