new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
