I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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