My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
