Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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