5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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