I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
