so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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