There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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