I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
