You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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