I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
