I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I'm really busy with my period
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