Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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