Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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