I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
