You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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