PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
