Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
