he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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