you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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