I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am one with the molecules
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
