no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
