i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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