I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
