They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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