Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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