imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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