you guys were way drunker than both of me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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