Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Welp...herpes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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