just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she smelled like a LAN party
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
