butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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