I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
