I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
