My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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