i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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