So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
