Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Panties = found
Randomize
