I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
