dude i'm inner monologue high
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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