it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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