It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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