ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
