I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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