I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
