Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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