dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
