guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
