I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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