A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
