bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
