Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
