to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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