what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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