i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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