my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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