yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
